Motherhood is a job, a calling. Let the hardship, the work, the pain, the struggle be just that. What it is. Motherhood is a golden and noble work. But it IS WORK. It’s not romantic and so many many times it is NOT “fulfilling“. Not in the way the world defines “Fulfilling” at least. From what I’ve seen that fulfilment is based on a feeling. A feeling that I rarely have.
Mother’s Day 2010
“And yet as one mother said after dealing with a particularly messy diaper, “motherhood is gross.” For all that we often try to spiritualize motherhood, there is hardly anything so physical as what a mother is called to do.” Veith
5) Motherhood is Mountains and Valleys.
There are moments you will be overcome with love. Your child will take your breath away and amaze you and make you laugh. You will be filled with GRATITUDE, humbled and awed that God has given you a child and made you a mother.
Then there will be the Valleys, moments, hours, days, months when just getting out of bed and facing your day as a mother will be the hardest thing you’ve ever done. You will feel unappreciated.
It can all seem like too much for you and at the same time too easy to waste your precious time and talents on. You may even hate it. Be miserable. Wonder why God made you a mother. Feel cursed instead of blessed. And if you’re pregnant….well, this Valley can seem even deeper!
In those Valleys, and I’ve had many of them, all I can say is to put your head down and plow through it. Pray when you can. Ask for help when you can and just make it your goal to get through one minute or one hour at a time.
These times feel dark and they are. Sin is dark. But God has never left me there. He comes to me, pulls me out and opens my eyes again to His Goodness, Forgiveness, His love, Salvation and the goodness of all His other gifts to me….my husband, my children.
6) EVENTUALLY it will all get done.
Eventually they will play together long enough for you to get something done. Eventually that basket of diapers will get folded, the dishes will get washed and the rib under the table will get thrown away. You may even get a shower or FINISH A POST FOR YOUR BLOG!
And eventually your babies won’t be helpless babies any more. I know this doesn’t always help to know in the thick of it. It took me 5 years to start to even see this one, but there it is.
7) God does the most efficient part.
“Eating for two, changing diapers, calming tantrums, tending wounds physical and otherwise, ushering children through all the challenges of growing up, all fall within God’s vocation of motherhood. For all the panic, stress and worries of child raising, mothers can rest assured that the burden is not theirs alone. They can have confidence that God is working through them, even despite themselves sometimes to form their children for his glory.” Veith
This is the biggy. The one that keeps me up at night with worry. How my failing as a mother might affect my precious children. How if I don’t get it right they will pay for it? Am I teaching them all they should know about Christ, about repentance and forgiveness, about His love for them? I must remember that my children are His children too. He will be faithful to His children.
“I will do what I can: I will bring them up for Thy honor, admonish them, correct them, instruct them, and pray for them. But O Lord, Lord in all my efforts do Thou perform the most efficient part. My God grant me Thy divine favor to this end, that none of my children may be lost, but that they may all enter with me, and I with them, into Thy glory.” Starck’s Prayer Book
And finally a prayer that has been helpful to me:
Heavenly Father, Creator of heaven and earth, it is out of Your love and wisdom that You gave me work to do and fitted me in body and mind to do this work. And yet my sinful will too often dreads the workday and casts about for other things to do. But You, O God, have called me to this work. Forgive me my sin. Strengthen me by Your Spirit that I may see that my place of work is a field of Your service to my family, my neighbor. Give me joy in my vocation, and make me glad and grateful for the strength to serve You. Amen
Click HERE and HERE and HERE for more from me on the hardships and wonders of Motherhood.
Beautifully done, Aubri. Thanks for sharing your bits of wisdom. You know, I had forgotten most of the struggles I felt as a mother to littles. My boyos are all in school, self-sufficient, not needing me so much and I’ve forgotten how tiring all of the helping and doing could be. God bless you as you continue to serve your babies, and teach them to be servants in the process.
Gotta say, I love the pic of the spit upon shoulder!!
Thanks for this, Aubri. I feel like I could’ve written this same thing. Not an expert, but learning things. I recently read this chapter of Veith’s book and there was a point where I started crying. There was a line about how many times in a woman’s life, motherhood will be “her biggest cross.” Aaaaaaand, I lost it then. Just having some validate what I’ve known for a while now, this is HARD and isn’t glamorous.
Thank you so much Jenny “all littles and no bigs” is a very hard chapter in the mothering book. I know there are challenges at every stage but I’m only here right now and it IS so tiring. I also LOVE that picture of Gerhardt right after he gifted me with that spit bomb, just perfect isn’t it?!
Rebekah, I’m thankful for your comment. I almost took these posts down because I was unsure about being this honest about these crosses of motherhood.
It is true that begetting children is one of the most amazing things God can give a human. It is true that children are a great gift, a treasure. It is true that I love the children God has given me and I want to be a kind, gentle and loving mother to them but the other truth is that as a sinful human being, bearing and caring for other sinful human beings (especially so many) is a tremendous struggle for me.
I didn’t want to be misunderstood to be whining about it or as saying “I wish I weren’t a Mother or I wish I were doing something else” I truly believe I’ve been given a gift, a blessing, a wonderful responsibility with many joys. I think there can be so much pressure from myself to “get it right”. And there can be such disappointments when I don’t. With mothering there can come a powerful realization of how much of a sinner you are and it can pain you in a way that no other vocation can when your sin affects those dearest to you.
It isn’t always a pleasure to serve endlessly but I can’t think of many other tasks in life that are as important, literally as “life-giving” as these things we as mothers do all day.
“Yes” to all you said! And I am so glad you didn’t take them down. I feel the same way when I feel like I got too honest in a post. I doubt and second guess. (In fact, I just deleted my most recent one from Facebook. :/ But when I read these, I totally got it, and didn’t think in the slightest that you sounded like you were ungrateful or whiny. I think you portrayed the truths quite honestly and eloquently. The sinful thing is a tremendous struggle for me as well. It’s a struggle for us all. Yet the more we are able to talk about it, the more we are also able to share Christ who has conquered it.
How simultaneously we groan and rejoice as mothers, and you captured this so awesomely! And YES to God’s faithfulness to our children. Thank you again for this!