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A Bundle of Myrrh

"My beloved is unto me as a bundle of myrrh." Song of Solomon 1:13

Archive for the ‘Motherhood’ Category

Re: Comment on I Miss The Village Post

Tuesday, August 5th, 2014

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I wrote the other day a post titled “I Miss The Village.” The Village that once gave women social contact, real physical help with the working life of the home and children, where wisdom could be passed down from seasoned mothers to new mothers, traditions handed to the young etc. And I mentioned how communities are not as helpful as they once were at building community especially for moms who stay home full time and how many women now don’t stay home during the day.

Fafa contributed this comment:

“Have you ever thought there are lonely women out there watching you, wishing they could be brave enough to stay at home and have the treasured time you have with your children. Maybe God is using your joy in your motherhood to touch other mothers’ lives.”

It of course got me thinking about a lot of things, motherhood, Vocation, the roles of women, modern and traditional…things.

I am very thankful that I can stay home and that I want to stay home. I do hope I could be encouraging to another mom who would like to stay home with her children. It would be very difficult to be in a situation where you wanted to stay home but could not. I can only imagine how hard it is for women to have to go back to work after a new baby or have find affordable and suitable childcare while they are at work. I’m grateful to be here for my babies and to have my babies under my wing all day.

This “stay at home mother” vs. “working mother” issue is a topic I avoid since it can ruffle a lot of feathers. I don’t want to be misunderstood to be making the argument that all women should stay home with their children instead of working a 9-5. That’s up to each family. That depends on many circumstances and is a matter of priorities and particular strains a family might be facing. I merely meant to muse on an issue that often crosses my mind.

There are those very happy mothers who are content right where they are. Content to stay home full time, content to work full time or part of the time away from home. But for all mothers there is always a tension that exists regardless of our choice. Even if we’re certain that what we’re doing is the best choice for our family, we all struggle with our flesh and our cultural influences. And with our many choices come various benefits and disadvantages.

This topic is an ongoing study for my mind. I just came across a couple links today related to this topic if you’re interested. There are tons more out there. *note may not a complete reflection of my own opinions:

Constraint and Consent; Career and Motherhood
Why Women Still Can’t Have It All

Thanks to the ladies who commented on that post! You all have put a burr in my saddle and made me think….and that can be berry dangerous. 🙂

 

 

 

I Miss The Village

Friday, August 1st, 2014

 

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Most women still want Motherhood. A lot even want to be able to stay home with their children. But there’s something pressing on us. Many pressures to pursue more than just being a mother. Just being a mother is no longer enough.

“Yes, my wife is JUST a mother. JUST. She JUST brings forth life into the universe, and she JUST shapes and molds and raises those lives. She JUST manages, directs and maintains the workings of the household, while caring for children who JUST rely on her for everything. She JUST teaches our twins how to be human beings, and, as they grow, she will JUST train them in all things, from morals, to manners, to the ABC’s, to hygiene, etc. She is JUST my spiritual foundation and the rock on which our family is built. She is JUST everything to everyone. And society would JUST fall apart at the seams if she, and her fellow moms, failed in any of the tasks I outlined.

Yes, she is just a mother. Which is sort of like looking at the sky and saying, “hey, it’s just the sun.” Matt Walsh

Our flesh under the burdens that come with motherhood would have us escape. Our own flesh tells us there has to be something more than this. This is far beneath me. This is about to drive me insane.

“They [Women] are led, subtly but surely, to look on the mothering they do as a mere necessity – even a penance – and they live as if they were reserving their real enthusiasm for something else, usually unspecified.” Robert Capon

And of course there is what the culture, or our own friends and neighbors tell us. Communities certainly have little praise or help for women whose full-time occupation is staying home to Mother.

I read this article yesterday. It echoes the thoughts I have several times a day. I miss the village. I miss the times when what I do all day was the norm. I can only imagine what that must have felt like. When I would have been surrounded by other women who were in the same boat.

Now, my “village” is in my computer. My village is only cyber, but it is real. For that I am so thankful. I don’t know the loneliness that would exist if I didn’t have a community of moms online, but there is still the loneliness isn’t there?

I feel that loneliness when I’m out with my family and we are the sideshow, I feel that loneliness when library reading days are cancelled due to low numbers of children available during the day, I feel that loneliness when I learn that all the mothers my age go off to work everyday.

Our own communities make being a full-time mom very difficult.

I wonder sometimes if those days will ever return. Will there come a day when more women will decide perhaps we were better off 100, 200 years ago? Will we decide that perhaps women were better off  back in the kitchen with the children? Will “the Village” ever be a part of my life or my daughters’ lives again?

*You can read some follow up thoughts on this topic on this post Re: Comment on I Miss The Village Post.

 

 

 

 

Raising Ebenezers

Friday, July 11th, 2014

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All I wanted to do was sit down to check my Google Calendar to see what was for supper and like a moth to the flame they came. Needing, pushing, whining, wanting their jackets zipped, wanting to sit on my lap, crying because they “can’t see the puter”. Most days, well, everyday really, it’s hard to even sit down without a fight.

But some days I feel like “I got this.” The days are still hard. We may have left some phases behind, but there are new ones now. Ephraim has started biting, Gerhardt is way too aggressive for girls, Esther wants to help me with everything, Clara is in a very sassy phase and Lily, poor Lily just cries all day about anything she can find to cry about. The bickering escalates, there is still pee all over the floor and I shuffle from one fire to the next wondering how anything will get done, but at the end of the day lately, I’ve had that “I rocked this day” feeling.

It probably won’t last long and I think it’s only coming from the ridiculously low standards I’ve come to know so well, but this week we made play dough, we went to the park, we went to the library for a magic show and I look back not knowing how all that happened but really glad it did. The photos are from our 4th of July breakfast in the park, yet another gift of perfect weather and mostly happy babies. Even after the hour I spent driving back home to get bottles and formula I’d forgotten to bring for Mercy and missing the Fun Run…rookie mistake.

I look at each one of my babies and I’m overwhelmed with thankfulness. And that is a feeling I don’t have all the time. Under the work and chaos being thankful isn’t always my first thought, or second or third. But today, this week, it’s here. I’ve hugged more little bodies and kissed more cheeks than it seems like I have in a while.

These little steps toward whatever this is, are encouraging to me. After years of being in survival mode, I’m starting to feel a little…um, uncrushed.

I’m writing this down so I don’t forget that this is one more way our Heavenly Father provides for me, richly and daily all that I need to support this body and life, out of pure Fatherly divine goodness and mercy. Writing this down is an Ebenezer if you will. To remember that Goodness. Goodness that has been here all along, even when I felt it wasn’t.

“Then Samuel took a stone and set it between Mizpah and Shen, and named it Ebenezer, saying, “Thus far the Lord has helped us.” I Samuel 7:12

P to the S – If God ever gives us another boy I got dibs on the name Ebenezer. And every Christmas he’ll look at me with pain in his eyes…I know.

5 Favorites

Wednesday, May 7th, 2014

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This week my 5 favorites are these wonderfully “Pro-Life” posts. Read them!

1.

The Third Secret to Destruction Proofing Your Family “You might even say that my mind tottered to think that I, a bride of 19, could certainly end up with a couple of dozen children! To say I was scared would be to vastly understate the nature of my panic, which was rather comprehensive. Yet, 34 years later, here I am with merely seven children, and what forethought could not encompass, experience has. So allow me to try to sum it all up in the form of my third secret to destruction-proofing your family. Husband and wife, embrace your mission as the king and queen of your little kingdom, your family — and enjoy, when you want to, what we may quaintly and not without relief from the pressure of modern unconstraint refer to as the marital embrace —  simply accepting the children God sends you as the gift that they are.”

2.

The Real Life of the Pro-Life Home “Far from having done our part when we carry a baby to term, we can continue to choose life every day. Every day we choose the life of another over our own life. Every day we can lay down our desires, our selfish ambition, our self-importance, and choose life. And of course this is not unique to mothers — every Christian has the means of fighting for life by laying theirs down for those around them.” Motherhood is the big-leagues of self-sacrifice. Millions of women kill to avoid it. In our culture of self-gratification, to embrace selfless motherhood is a revolutionary act. To see the sacrifice and rejoice in it. To recognize that the cost is your own life, and to willingly lay yourself down. The world hates the smell of that sacrifice, because it is the smell of grace. They hate it because it is the smell of something living and burning at the same time — something that is impossible without a risen Savior.”

3.

Gift Language “That’s why you, Church, are afraid to talk to me. The world has given you faulty language that fails to deliver truth, comfort, or babies. Give me God’s “gift language” every time. Remind me that children are a heritage from the Lord, a gift from Him that is received. And when I get mad that God has not yet given me the gift of children, keep watch with me in my grief and use some more of God’s “gift language.”

4.

The Fruit of the Womb is a Reward “Consumerism and feminism combine to make man, male and female, into God.  Children are regarded as commodities that may not be worth the price.  A woman is taught that she can by her own choosing obtain a status greater than what God gives her in motherhood.  Motherhood is denigrated because it becomes a merely human activity.  Severed from its source of dignity in God, it is cheapened. If children are a blessing from God as the Bible says they are, the bearing of children is an honor God bestows.  If the fruitful womb is a reward from God, the conceiving, bearing, and nurturing of children is something to be desired, extolled, protected, and enshrined in custom, law, and expressions of piety.  It is from this Christian perspective that we must examine feminism and its claims.”

5.

A Good Kind of Crazy “Motherhood has certainly shown me more of the bad and ugly parts of myself than I ever would have wanted, but if I really sit and think about it, I can see that God is doing just as much good in me precisely through this vocation, even though most days I cannot see it. Yes, being a mother and having 3 close in age does drive me crazy most days, but it is the best kind of crazy.”