All I wanted to do was sit down to check my Google Calendar to see what was for supper and like a moth to the flame they came. Needing, pushing, whining, wanting their jackets zipped, wanting to sit on my lap, crying because they “can’t see the puter”. Most days, well, everyday really, it’s hard to even sit down without a fight.
But some days I feel like “I got this.” The days are still hard. We may have left some phases behind, but there are new ones now. Ephraim has started biting, Gerhardt is way too aggressive for girls, Esther wants to help me with everything, Clara is in a very sassy phase and Lily, poor Lily just cries all day about anything she can find to cry about. The bickering escalates, there is still pee all over the floor and I shuffle from one fire to the next wondering how anything will get done, but at the end of the day lately, I’ve had that “I rocked this day” feeling.
It probably won’t last long and I think it’s only coming from the ridiculously low standards I’ve come to know so well, but this week we made play dough, we went to the park, we went to the library for a magic show and I look back not knowing how all that happened but really glad it did. The photos are from our 4th of July breakfast in the park, yet another gift of perfect weather and mostly happy babies. Even after the hour I spent driving back home to get bottles and formula I’d forgotten to bring for Mercy and missing the Fun Run…rookie mistake.
I look at each one of my babies and I’m overwhelmed with thankfulness. And that is a feeling I don’t have all the time. Under the work and chaos being thankful isn’t always my first thought, or second or third. But today, this week, it’s here. I’ve hugged more little bodies and kissed more cheeks than it seems like I have in a while.
These little steps toward whatever this is, are encouraging to me. After years of being in survival mode, I’m starting to feel a little…um, uncrushed.
I’m writing this down so I don’t forget that this is one more way our Heavenly Father provides for me, richly and daily all that I need to support this body and life, out of pure Fatherly divine goodness and mercy. Writing this down is an Ebenezer if you will. To remember that Goodness. Goodness that has been here all along, even when I felt it wasn’t.
“Then Samuel took a stone and set it between Mizpah and Shen, and named it Ebenezer, saying, “Thus far the Lord has helped us.” I Samuel 7:12
P to the S – If God ever gives us another boy I got dibs on the name Ebenezer. And every Christmas he’ll look at me with pain in his eyes…I know.
After reading this wonderfully reflective post, I must admit it took me a minute to get the Christmas reference. I was still mulling over the beautifulness (yep, it’s a word now) of Ebenezer and help from the Lord.
Great post.
I remember those feelings well.
Glad you’re in a better state of mind. I had two questions yesterday from new mommies (unrelated, apparently I’m the veteran). I forgot about some of the stuff I used to get frustrated and stressed over, which aren’t even on my radar anymore.
Pee on the floor still irritates me though. Especially when it’s 2-hours later and no one told me, just changed their undies…
One of the most satisfying things to observe recently is my kids’ friendliness and independence. My husband and I are both introverts, bordering on awkward sometimes, and it’s nice to know even our quietest child will initiate a “hello.” The independence thing is a mixed bag.
Your son. He either has his cool vest on or his cool shades on.
I am amazed at all you were able to get together for this fun breakfast in the park, even if you did forget Mercy’s bottles! Love the photos, love your words, love you! 🙂
Also, love that hymn and I’m sorry some hymnals (not ours) remove “here I raise my ebenezer” because no one (supposedly) understands the reference
Jenny, well maybe no one else would get that either! It’s not like I’d be naming him “Scrooge” right?! 🙂 I love the meaning of Ebenezer.
Katy, I know! I’m an introvert too or maybe shy, don’t know, I’m not one to chat up strangers often, but I love it when my babies do…nice strangers that is. And really too bad when we think we have to “dumb” something down because no one understands instead of just teaching them! 🙁
I love you too Grandmere!!
Thank you. You had me sobbing by the end of this. The Lord has helped us. We are uncrushed. Our sins are forgiven. Death is undone.
I love Ebenezer, but the name I want to use someday (my grandpa’a) is totally off-limits–Kermit.
Beautiful. I had never really noticed that verse before, what a precious gem for a mother’s heart. This was so encouraging. 🙂
Rebekah all that gets hard to remember sometimes doesn’t it? To our shame we live like none of this is true.
Jody, I think all the ladies in the room just looked at both of us and said “Y’all can keep those!” 🙂
Thank you Bridget, I’m glad to hear that!