Most women still want Motherhood. A lot even want to be able to stay home with their children. But there’s something pressing on us. Many pressures to pursue more than just being a mother. Just being a mother is no longer enough.
“Yes, my wife is JUST a mother. JUST. She JUST brings forth life into the universe, and she JUST shapes and molds and raises those lives. She JUST manages, directs and maintains the workings of the household, while caring for children who JUST rely on her for everything. She JUST teaches our twins how to be human beings, and, as they grow, she will JUST train them in all things, from morals, to manners, to the ABC’s, to hygiene, etc. She is JUST my spiritual foundation and the rock on which our family is built. She is JUST everything to everyone. And society would JUST fall apart at the seams if she, and her fellow moms, failed in any of the tasks I outlined.
Yes, she is just a mother. Which is sort of like looking at the sky and saying, “hey, it’s just the sun.” Matt Walsh
Our flesh under the burdens that come with motherhood would have us escape. Our own flesh tells us there has to be something more than this. This is far beneath me. This is about to drive me insane.
“They [Women] are led, subtly but surely, to look on the mothering they do as a mere necessity – even a penance – and they live as if they were reserving their real enthusiasm for something else, usually unspecified.” Robert Capon
And of course there is what the culture, or our own friends and neighbors tell us. Communities certainly have little praise or help for women whose full-time occupation is staying home to Mother.
I read this article yesterday. It echoes the thoughts I have several times a day. I miss the village. I miss the times when what I do all day was the norm. I can only imagine what that must have felt like. When I would have been surrounded by other women who were in the same boat.
Now, my “village” is in my computer. My village is only cyber, but it is real. For that I am so thankful. I don’t know the loneliness that would exist if I didn’t have a community of moms online, but there is still the loneliness isn’t there?
I feel that loneliness when I’m out with my family and we are the sideshow, I feel that loneliness when library reading days are cancelled due to low numbers of children available during the day, I feel that loneliness when I learn that all the mothers my age go off to work everyday.
Our own communities make being a full-time mom very difficult.
I wonder sometimes if those days will ever return. Will there come a day when more women will decide perhaps we were better off 100, 200 years ago? Will we decide that perhaps women were better off back in the kitchen with the children? Will “the Village” ever be a part of my life or my daughters’ lives again?
*You can read some follow up thoughts on this topic on this post Re: Comment on I Miss The Village Post.
I also think about this all the time. Thankfully, the immediate houses near ours have mothers home most of the day (our next door neighbor is a teacher and home all summer; the lady across the street works part time from home). But since I’m on the long-term baby plan (if God so pleases), they still sort of find me strange. Our 85 year old neighbor, mother-of-six understands, though. I can see it in her eyes.
Cars are part of the loneliness, I think. Instead of walking around to visit our friends in their homes, we have to make (for me exhausting) play date excursion. Nothing wears me out like running errands, even if I do like grocery shopping, and even if I have only the baby with me. Coming home at 4:30 to face the 5-9 (10?) rush is depressing. So, awful as it is, I can’t say I love the afternoon playdate with other moms. Socializing isn’t centered around food prep, or other domestic common activities women used to do together.
I have often wondered this myself. What happened to the village? I can’t help but think I’d be so much better off with that way of life. I have it a bit within the church and I’m thankful for that. But haven’t yet connected with too many moms who share a similar boat.
I think I resist the online connections because I’ve thought they don’t seem “real.” I prefer face time. I prefer to sit in a living room and visit over coffee. I need to expand my thinking because I think I’m missing out. Times change. But I long for the village.
Yes Katy, I suppose that socializing used to come more naturally, now we have to organize it if we want that to happen. Organized socializing gets harder and harder. And though a lot of moms don’t do the domestic work anymore they seem even busier now than ever. 🙁
Jenny, completely agree with the face to face connections. I spent the evening last night with two wonderful women Mamas and kept thinking, this is GREAT, I want more of this. But the sad fact is those face to face connections are rarer and rarer even just in the past 10 years maybe. So I’m learning to take my “community” where I can find it even if it is online!
Have you ever thought there are lonely women out there watching you, wishing they could be brave enough to stay at home and have the treasured time you have with your children. Maybe God is using your joy in your motherhood to touch other mothers’ lives.