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A Bundle of Myrrh

"My beloved is unto me as a bundle of myrrh." Song of Solomon 1:13

What His Discerning Love Hath Sent

November 19th, 2017 by Aubri

2017-10-30 09.03.26

I’ve haven’t written about losing two more of our children. I did post on the days we lost them, HERE and HERE, because I wanted to mark those days but my heart was too heavy for words. And really what do you say when you know the life you’re carrying has passed away? I was about 5 weeks along with our 10th baby and then also with our 11th.

I don’t have many words, but I will share what I wrote about their names, why we named them as we did.

To my babies in Heaven.

Enoch. Born into Heaven July 14, 2017.

We knew for one week that you, our 10th child, had been given to us then we knew you had been taken away. For you we gave the name Enoch.
“Enoch walked faithfully with God; then he was no more, because God took him away.” Genesis 5:24
 Enoch, you were with us and then you were not. But one day we will be with you once again.
Isaiah. Born into Heaven September 17, 2017.

The day before I knew we would not get to keep you I heard these verses from Isaiah:

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LordFor as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9

These words were comforting to me in my confusion over the reality that God might decide to take you to Himself as He had done with our other children. For indeed His ways are not our ways.

I said to myself that day that if God did not let us keep you, you would be called Isaiah, to remind me that His thoughts are not my thoughts, neither are my ways His ways. They are higher than mine.

I might never know why God gave and then took you, Ebenezer and Enoch so soon but I know He is good and you are all with Him now, and that is good.

What a blessing to have been a mother to you all, a vessel for your lives here on Earth and on to eternity. You are loved.

“To truly love means to be vulnerable to brokenness. To confess with my body my willingness to love another child by being open to conception is to be vulnerable to the pain of loss. This is nothing new. I’m not the first mother to experience loss. I’m not the first parent to experience the loss of a child. How can I expect any less, when my aim as a Christian is to pattern my life after the love of a Father who experienced the loss of His Son. For me. For my child.”Marie MacPherson

“Be patient and await His leisure
In cheerful hope, with heart content
To take whate’er thy Father’s pleasure
And His discerning love hath sent,
Nor doubt our inmost wants are known
To Him who chose us for His own.” 

If Thou But Suffer God to Guide Thee
by Georg Neumark,

To God be the glory.

5 Responses to “What His Discerning Love Hath Sent”

  1. Jody S. says:

    I am sorry for your losses. I, too, lost 3 in a row, and it was so very difficult. My oldest daughter asked me the other day if I’m sad every time I look at the three little stuffed animals I keep in my room to remind me of the babies I didn’t get to hold in my arms. I didn’t even know how to answer– yes and no? It has been more than 6 years, and sometimes the pain is so raw and sometimes I am numb and sometimes I am just fine.
    May His peace be yours.

  2. Soli Deo Gloria.
    I’m so sorry, Aubri.

    Prayers and peace for all of you,

  3. Kristi says:

    The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

    We pray that He would grant you peace as you are comforted in the promise of a glorious reunion in heaven. Love and hugs!

  4. Carrie says:

    I’m so sorry. May God be with you and comfort you.