A Bundle of Myrrh

It’s frustrating that the term ‘working mother’ is typically only applied to mother’s with jobs outside of the home. Aren’t all mothers ‘working mothers’? A stay at home mom doesn’t have a 9-5 job in an office somewhere, but she does have a “job”. I often think being a stay-at-home-mom is like running a daycare, a cleaning service and a cafeteria at the same time…without your two 15 minute smoke breaks…and some days don’t we all need a smoke break!? Ok, maybe not a nasty cig, but that sweet cup of coffee and scheduled 15 minutes of silence would be super.

Here’s part of an interesting article I found:

What mothers are really worth
Stay-at-home mothers wear many hats. They’re the family CEO, the day care provider, accountant, chauffeur, counselor, chef, nurse, laundress, entertainer, personal stylist, and educator. Based on a 90-hour work week, Salary.com has estimated that a fair wage for the typical stay-at-home mom would be well over $90,000 for executing all of her daily tasks. Factor in overtime, and the appropriate salary takes a leap of around $25,000.

“Mothers are responsible for the mental and physical well being of the family – putting a price on that isn’t easy,” said Lena Bottos, compensation market analyst for Salary.com. “But we looked at it as what you would have to pay other people to do the same work if the mom weren’t there.”

Even if these mothers were getting paid what they’d be worth on the market, Bottos added that they still wouldn’t be adequately compensated. “When you take into account that it represents a 90-hour workweek, and doesn’t even begin to factor in that they are on call 24 hours a day, it’s not so large. Plus, stay-at-home moms get no benefits in terms of pension or 401(k).”

I found a book that looks like an interesting read. It seems to address some issues that I’ve began to experience and think a lot about when I have the spare brain room. The author is a psychotherapist who quotes a lot of mothers who shared very honestly just what they do and experience everyday as mothers. Here are some excerpts I found online from the book:

Mothers complain about their isolation, but surely a more fundamental isolation is about not being understood. That kind of isolation arises when a person finds it difficult to communicate an important experience to other people. “Very little has been written on the subject of motherhood.” observed Susan Griffin, the California writer. She recalled: “I was alone in the house with an infant most of the time.” She wrote that, when she went out with her husband and child. “I was inarticulate. I imagined people thought me stupid. I felt stunned, dumb. But there was something I had wanted to tell. Something profound.”

I really identify with feeling “dumb”. I wasn’t ever very up with the latest news or trends, but now I’m especially out of the informed loop. I rely a great deal on Phil who reads the paper daily and our local radio stations where I can catch some news while I’m in the kitchen cooking. Lately it seems all I would be able to offer for conversation are on these interesting topics; “Do you ever feel like the laundry is endless?” “What’s the best way to keep fried chicken crispy?” “Have any tips to make an attached 6 month old take naps in her room and not on your chest?” At best I guess I could discuss some of the great books I’ve read lately; Doggies, A Counting and Barking Book orTen Little Fingers and Ten Little Toes.

The more frustrating part of this dilemma is that these things are actually important. These are the things that make and keep my little world running. The laundry has to be done, supper made and babies taken care of. These are fundamental issues that deserve my full attention and learning more about. I find that I don’t care that the Stimulus Bill has or has not been passed. I’ve got bathrooms to clean and am too busy worrying if the apple sauce I made for Lily a few months ago is still good or been in the freezer too long. My priorities now and for the next who knows how long are my husband and my raising healthy, well behaved, godly children. That’s a very big responsibility. If it means feeling “dumb” when I’m around the adults in my life then I guess that’s a frustration I’ll have to live with.