Having a 16 month old around makes me appreciate the simplicity of a 6 month old. When a 6 month old cries there are usually only 3-4 things that are wrong and are easily fixed, not so with a 16 month old!
Archive for the ‘Reflecting’ Category
More to Lose.
Monday, October 26th, 2009
Phil and I often talk about dying, not because we love the subject but sometimes to tease that he can’t up and marry the first busty blond the meets at my funeral if I go first, sometimes we talk about it practically, what he’d do with the girls if I’m gone or if I know where all the important papers and passwords are if he is, etc. As a pastor he, and I through him, often face death with the many members we’ve had who have come to the end of their long life, come close to death or may even die suddenly. It’s become a very normal part of our life. It’s occurred to me over the past couple of years how much my feelings on my own death have greatly changed and unfortunately not for the better. To be honest I get really sad to think about dying. When I was single the thought of dying was something I anticipated, something I was willing and ready to encounter at any time. I used to think as the apostle Paul did “to die is gain” but now I can’t help but think of what I’d be “losing”. It’s silly really but I just don’t like the thought of leaving Phil and my little girls. I guess I think now I have so much to “live” for that I would miss so much if I went to be with Jesus. I think I have a better understanding now of what Paul means when he says in I Corinthian 7;
“The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband.”
I’ll admit that I have a serious little pout when I think that in heaven Phil will not be husband, that I’ve only been given this man for a short time. I also have a slightly bigger pout when I think that someone else might have to help raise my girls if I died while they’re young. And I have the biggest pout ever when Phil tells me that he looks forward to dying! Why’s he gotta be all eager to leave me?!
I know that this world is not our home, that we are passing through, here for a little while and headed for a sinless eternity in the presence of our loving Father in perfect communion with Him as He originally designed. I can only imagine how amazing (what a pathetic puny word to use, sorry!) that will be, wonderful, awesome in the true sense of the word (where’s a thesaurus when you need it?). My longing for more time on this earth shows me just how sinful I am. That even my good desires, to be with my husband and to raise my babies, are dirtied by sin! It won’t be until I have fallen asleep in Christ and with the Lord that I my desires will finally be pure and perfect. It will only be then that I can finally love the Lord as I should, as I want to. Until then I pray, “Lord have mercy”.
An email from Morgan
Saturday, October 24th, 2009
Me and Morgan c. 2006 (life was rough back then)Thank you so much for sending me the link to your secret parenting blog. I began to read it tonight and so appreciate learning more about your life now. I miss you! I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately, smiling about how much our lives have changed. Walt and I went to La Zona Rosa this week to see a show. Our first in a year since the girls. It was stark how much our lives and hearts have been transformed since the last time I was there — with you for Ray Benson’s birthday bash. While I remember it fondly, I don’t miss that time or long for it again. But I do miss and long for you!
Ah, parenting two girls. We’ve had ours for almost a year now. That’s hard to believe. But when you see the difference in all four of us it seems much longer. They sure do become an inseparable part of you, don’t they? With all the challenges, I can imagine it no other way.Keep writing, and please, keep sharing.I love you!Morgan
I often think about how much life for me and my gaggle of girlfriends has changed in the last two years. We’re all grown up and married with children or with children on the way. As someone said to me and Phil once that in a year he went “from swingin’ and single to married with children”. That can happen faster than I once thought possible! It’s funny how you can think that life will never change for you, you’ll be stuck in one situation forever then pow, it all changes at once or as it is many times little changes over time make life so different you look back one day and wonder what happened! My life the way it is now, makes my single days seem like a strange weird life in another world but some days I can remember that life like it was yesterday. I agree with what Morgan said above, I can look back with some fondness but I wouldn’t want to go back to it that’s for sure. Sure it was nice to be able to go out when I wanted with no need to find a babysitter and not have to drive 45 miles to get Starbucks but I didn’t have my man or my precious babies then either! I don’t even want to imagine life without them! It’s a struggle when Phil and I do on occasion go out without the girls. When just the 2 of us go out it’s so nice not have to dress me and 2 little people, make sure everything in our house is transferred to the diaper bag, get the girls in the car and get the girls out of the car but there’s always a strange thought in the back of my mind that I’m missing something. It’s so good to have a break from being “mama” all day everyday, but this has become my life, being a wife and a mama full time and as tiring and trying as it can be, I don’t want anything else….except my friends back! I sure miss you ladies!
Little feet.
Wednesday, September 30th, 2009
I’m finally hearing that “pitter-patter of little feet in the parsonage” that everyone talked about when we were expecting Lily. It’s the cutest pitter-patter I’ve ever heard.
