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A Bundle of Myrrh

"My beloved is unto me as a bundle of myrrh." Song of Solomon 1:13

Archive for the ‘Reflecting’ Category

Jesus Still Lead On

Sunday, July 13th, 2014

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Jesus Still Lead On

Jesus, still lead on till our rest be won;
and although the way be cheerless,
we will follow calm and fearless;
guide us by your hand to our fatherland

If the way be drear, if the foe be near,
let no faithless fears o’ertake us,
Let not faith and hope forsake us
safely past the foe to our home we go.

When we seek relief from a long felt grief,
when temptations come alluring,
make us patient and enduring;
show us that bright shore
where we weep no more.

Jesus, still lead on till our rest be won;
Heav’nly leader, still direct us,
still support, console, protect us,
till we safely stand in our fatherland.

Nicolaus L. von Zinzendorf

Raising Ebenezers

Friday, July 11th, 2014

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All I wanted to do was sit down to check my Google Calendar to see what was for supper and like a moth to the flame they came. Needing, pushing, whining, wanting their jackets zipped, wanting to sit on my lap, crying because they “can’t see the puter”. Most days, well, everyday really, it’s hard to even sit down without a fight.

But some days I feel like “I got this.” The days are still hard. We may have left some phases behind, but there are new ones now. Ephraim has started biting, Gerhardt is way too aggressive for girls, Esther wants to help me with everything, Clara is in a very sassy phase and Lily, poor Lily just cries all day about anything she can find to cry about. The bickering escalates, there is still pee all over the floor and I shuffle from one fire to the next wondering how anything will get done, but at the end of the day lately, I’ve had that “I rocked this day” feeling.

It probably won’t last long and I think it’s only coming from the ridiculously low standards I’ve come to know so well, but this week we made play dough, we went to the park, we went to the library for a magic show and I look back not knowing how all that happened but really glad it did. The photos are from our 4th of July breakfast in the park, yet another gift of perfect weather and mostly happy babies. Even after the hour I spent driving back home to get bottles and formula I’d forgotten to bring for Mercy and missing the Fun Run…rookie mistake.

I look at each one of my babies and I’m overwhelmed with thankfulness. And that is a feeling I don’t have all the time. Under the work and chaos being thankful isn’t always my first thought, or second or third. But today, this week, it’s here. I’ve hugged more little bodies and kissed more cheeks than it seems like I have in a while.

These little steps toward whatever this is, are encouraging to me. After years of being in survival mode, I’m starting to feel a little…um, uncrushed.

I’m writing this down so I don’t forget that this is one more way our Heavenly Father provides for me, richly and daily all that I need to support this body and life, out of pure Fatherly divine goodness and mercy. Writing this down is an Ebenezer if you will. To remember that Goodness. Goodness that has been here all along, even when I felt it wasn’t.

“Then Samuel took a stone and set it between Mizpah and Shen, and named it Ebenezer, saying, “Thus far the Lord has helped us.” I Samuel 7:12

P to the S – If God ever gives us another boy I got dibs on the name Ebenezer. And every Christmas he’ll look at me with pain in his eyes…I know.

Not Here

Sunday, May 4th, 2014

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Luther writes:

“He has been raised from the dead and He is not here. His name is now “He is not here, ” as St. Paul writes, “If you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above. “Christ is not here. Hence, a Christian must not be here. He has left the husks down here, such as earthly justice, piety, wisdom, the law, and whatever else belongs to earth. Christ has in himself overcome all things and left them behind. And in that we believe this: we too are called “Not Here,” even as He is.  “As St. Paul says, “Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth”. What a wonderful saying it is. Your life is hidden, not in a chest, for there it might be found, but in Him who is nowhere. Our life shall be above all human wisdom, justice and piety. As long as you abide in yourself, you are not devout, which means that our life is hidden high above our eyes and high above all that we can feel.”

How easy it is for me to believe this life is all we have. I naturally focus on my struggles, the pains and needs of loved ones, even death itself and lament “This will never end!” Even temporary joys come to be things I hold on to, not wanting them to end, not wanting them to be taken from me or I from them.

But we are called to be Eternally MindedSet your mind on things above.”

“While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.”

By giving me baby after baby God is pushing me toward the eternally minded. Revealing to me the eternal gifts that come with LIFE. Convenience, a certain lifestyle, ease, pleasure, these things are put into perspective when tiny souls are created, born and live all around you. The temporary riches of this life lie. And I can see, on my good days, the eternal riches Phil and I have been given.

I am called “Not Here” and confess the weakness of many times white knuckling “Here”. Of holding fast to all the husks on this earth. God help me to walk the life of “Not Here”.

Look and Long for the Morrow

Wednesday, February 5th, 2014

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“Now on the day when his sons and his daughters were eating and drinking wine in their oldest brother’s house, a messenger came to Job and said, “The oxen were plowing and the donkeys feeding beside them, and the Sabeans attacked and took them. They also slew the servants with the edge of the sword, and I alone have escaped to tell you.”

While he was still speaking, another also came and said, “The fire of God fell from heaven and burned up the sheep and the servants and consumed them, and I alone have escaped to tell you.”

While he was still speaking, another also came and said, “The Chaldeans formed three bands and made a raid on the camels and took them and slew the servants with the edge of the sword, and I alone have escaped to tell you.”

While he was still speaking, another also came and said, “Your sons and your daughters were eating and drinking wine in their oldest brother’s house, and behold, a great wind came from across the wilderness and struck the four corners of the house, and it fell on the young people and they died, and I alone have escaped to tell you.”

Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head, and he fell to the ground and worshiped.

He said,

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
And naked I shall return there.
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away.
Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God.” Job 1:13-22

 

I haven’t read Job in a while. I hadn’t remembered that all this calamity happened and was told to Job within minutes. I couldn’t believe it just kept coming, “While he was still speaking“. “While he was still speaking“. “While he was still speaking“.

Who of us have suffered like this? I can’t think of anyone I know. I certainly have not. But we do suffer. And as small as my suffering has been I have certainly not had the faith to say; “Blessed be the name of the Lord“.

Today I’m filled with a longing for the end of suffering that those close to me endure.

I’m surrounded by it. I would take their pain away if I could. I would say this is NOT as it should be. But that is not the way of the Cross and I am not God.

So I pray for them. And together we all say, “Come Lord Jesus”.

“But ever Thy help is the nearest when help from the earth there is none,
and ever the word that is dearest is the Word of the crucified Son;
And aye when the tempest-clouds gather, I fly for sweet shelter and peace
Through the Son to the heart of the Father, that terror and tremor may cease.

He restoreth my soul, and I praise Him whose love is my chrism and crown;
He restoreth my soul; let me raise Him a song that His mercy will own.
For often so weary of sorrow, so weary of fighting with sin,
I look and I long for the morrow, when the ransomed their freedom shall win.”