Phil and I just ordered three books by John Rosemond who I mentioned in a previous post, the family psychologist who according to his website “no longer even “believes” in psychology, calling it a “largely disingenuous secular religion that has fostered more discord and disharmony in the American family than any other single contemporary force except, perhaps, television.” .
We’re reading these books together in the evenings when we can. We just finished “point #1” of Rosemond’s 6 points. He writes:
…the secret to raising happy, healthy children is to give more attention to the marriage than you give to the children. If you succeed at that, your children will turn out just fine.
His focus is on the family as a “unit” and putting priorities in the proper order within the family. This isn’t something I’ve heard very much from the “experts” I tend to turn to ie The Internet. I often do come across advise to not neglect yourself or your marriage, but I haven’t heard that it should be priority #1 which absolutely makes sense. (He makes a similar application to a single parent stating that they should establish an identity for themselves that has nothing to do with their children.) My marriage is the most important relationship in my life and if Phil and I do our jobs right, the kids will be gone someday and we’ll keep truckin’ along together. If we pour all we are into our babies what will we do once they’re gone and have families of their own? He says this problem is why so many couples in their 40s and 50s tend to divorce. They’ve neglected their marriage while they devoted themselves to their children, grew apart, then have nothing to give each other.
In a two-parent family, the marriage must come first. After all, the marriage created the family, and the marriage sustains it. The marriage preceded the children, and is meant to succeed them. If you don’t put your marriage first, and keep it there, it’s likely to become a mirage.
I think that deserves to be followed with an “Oh, snap!”
